It's been 3 months...

Since I chose my word of the year! Remember? (Embrace)

I never could have picked a better word if someone paid me. This year already has been full of embracing and building extreme faith. I have loved EVERY second of it! From every up and down that comes along with the first year of marriage and learning every new thing about each other, learning to cope with someone else's living space being directly apart of yours, learning to work things out because that's the only option there is, learning to communicate and LEARN something from every argument makes it less likely to turn into a fight or bigger argument. Then finding out that we are pregnant and embracing every emotion that comes along with that, because no, finding out you're pregnant is not all just fun and dandy. Its stressful, a bit scary, nerve racking, and just all together emotional, period. And now of course having to (wanting to) move closer to my parents, everything about moving is fun except MOVING! The new people, new house to decorate, a new ward, and of course I'm SO excited to get to decorate a nursery that is so far just a perfectly clean slate! I can't tell you how excited I am for it all!

With that being said, if you know anything about me you know that EMBRACE could have been a really hard word for me to choose at the beginning of the year (which is a reason I chose it) because I am not a person very adapting to change. I was born to and raised by the worst creature of habit you will ever meet. And he's my best friend. My dad has lost 80 pounds over the last few years and still wants to wear the same suit he's had for 20 years. It took 2 years and him being called to bishop for my mom to convince him to go get a new suit! So now that you know that let me reiterate I am not someone who easily adapts to change. Losing friends has always been heartbreaking. Changing interests in life (sports) was always tough for me when I loved what I was doing so much and didn't have the opportunity to do it anymore. Losing people, loved ones and family, has never been an easy thing for me to handle. Starting a new school or getting a new job or simply getting out of the daily routine I am well adapted in has never been an easy task. I wish that I could make you understand further about how unchanging my nature has really been in life. 

The reason I'm writing this post is to tell you my entire life has changed in the last few months, in EVERY single aspect, and I'm okay with it! I love it! In fact I'm ready for more! I have always been a person to put people above myself. Always. My problem is I have always chosen the people who don't and wouldn't do the same for me. Because of it I have learned, of course "the hard way", that those people weren't worth having in my life and I have eventually lost them. 

When I was in high school I could have been considered an undercover troubled teen. The gospel was nowhere near as important to me as it had always been. I certainly wasn't living in such a way as my testimony over the pulpit would proclaim. I was hanging out with the wrong people and ever further sharing with them the wrong social status. I was bringing myself to situations my parents would have NEVER approved of and somehow I thought it was okay. Boy was I wrong.

When I sat down with my bishop one day who had/has known me for my entire life I could tell he was a bit confused. Here is this girl sitting in front of him who basically fights with her dad every fast sunday to go up and bare her testimony, and she's pretty much telling him that it not even closely lines up with the way she's living her life. He made a statement to me that forever changed my life and I have never ever forgotten:

You are having a daily internal battle between what you KNOW and what you're DOING.

Can I tell you how little that comment probably seemed to him? If I asked him now if he remembered saying that there's a good chance he wouldn't. Then again he's an attorney so I might be wrong. But either way I don't think he had ANY idea what kind of impact in my life. At this point I was between Provo and Las Vegas between summer and school and I had previously met with my bishop up north so this was well into my repentance process. Okay so vent sesh over, WHY am I telling  you all this?

Because I want to tell you again that my life has COMPLETELY changed since then. I met Nu'u, as you know (or you should Our Story..) while he was on his mission and right before I moved to Provo to start school. He wrote me numerous times giving me the courage to go see the bishop there by basically saying to me... "if you want to get married in the temple and have the life you've dreamed of you need to go see the bishop". My whole life I was gonna marry a returned missionary in The House of The Lord. I didn't care which one. Just one of them. Even through all my rebellion I never lost faith and hope and a testimony in that. Through my repentance process, falling in love with this boy, and ultimately going through the temple and being sealed, I can honestly say there is NOTHING I love more than this gospel, HIS house, OUR covenants and the opportunity I have to do work there WHENEVER I desire to. How lucky I am to have a temple so close and how blessed I am to have the knowledge I do of the truthfulness of this gospel. I cannot tell you enough how much I LOVE where my life is now, thanks to my husband who was once just a missionary in my ward, the few bishops I met with who never judged me or lost hope in me, The Lord for NEVER ever leaving my side, and of course my parents for ALWAYS being understanding and appreciating that I was doing the right thing and that I could talk to them about it. I have learned to EMBRACE. More than I ever thought I possible could in my entire life. I have learned SO much about myself in the last few months since being married and getting pregnant and I have to toot my own horn and say that I am SO proud of myself for going through what I have and being where I am today. If you missed it I'll say it again and 1million times over, there is NOTHING I love more than this gospel and the knowledge I have of it's truth.

 The things that it has brought me in my life I wouldn't trade for the world. And the people I have lost  I have lost for a reason. I am okay losing friends and I find myself putting less effort every day into people who don't seemingly care about me nearly as much. For once in my life I'm worried about me, my husband, and my sweet unborn baby. Other than my family I NEED no one and I am totally fine with that and ready to let people go that aren't supporting these things that have changed in my life. This is only the beginning of a year full of EMBRACE and I can't wait to see what the rest has in store! Who would have thought someone like me would learn to EMBRACE change!?